Communication in Marriage

I am in a Communication class at school studying interpersonal communication skills. This past week I had to read an article entitled “Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication” In this brief reading, there was a study conducted with 24 couples. Facing back to back, they had to figure out the emotion or truth about a phrase the partner said. An example was a wife told her husband “It is hot in here.” The husband responded by turning the AC. Well, he failed. The wife’s phrase was more of a call of “relation” than temperature. This little reading had me thinking and convicted a bit. Although the husband had good intention to meet his wife’s need, the wife implications were misunderstood. Both parties are at fault for poor communication.

I am not the only one to admit that I have failed on occasions to communicate to my husband

without leaving room for error or misunderstanding. My husband favorite saying is “I’m not a

mind-reader!”  And he’s right! I am still learning after 6 years of marriage to be blunt with my husband. He can’t help me if I am not telling him what I need.  We have had arguments because of simple misunderstanding that were fixable. We vowed earlier in our marriage that we will not go to bed angry with one another. As scripture puts in Ephesians 4:26- “Be ye angry,  and  sin  not: let not  the  sun  go down  upon  your  wrath: Neither give  place to the  devil.” If we continue with misconstrued conversation, we will never progress. We must always be with one accord…in communication, decisions, children, and so on.

These are a few ways I have experienced that works in communication with my husband. We are still perfecting it, but it is helping…

1. Good communication can build from randomness. This means that a simple dialogue can occur while doing other things. My husband and I always have a good talk while driving. Although it may be random, it gives us the chance to exercise our thoughts to one another. We have learned a lot about each other through random conversations.

2. Good communication is respectful. We have learned our limits in communicating. A delicate memory that has affected us in the past are not made fun of. We may reflect on them, but we are not bound by what the past has done to us (i.e. family issues).

3. Good communication takes two. While effective, respectful talking is essential in good communication, respectful listening is also vital. Bad communication begins with one spouse dominating the conversation, but the listener can also ensure bad communication. For a long time, my husband would spark a conversation and would usually just sit there and let him do all the talking. Communicating cause for continual dialogue. I have learned that what I have to say matters. I have always been a person of few words but have a lot to say. Sort of weird, but I have never been in a position to voice my opinion growing up.  

4. Good communication comes with a standard.  God’s Word is great encouragement and an awesome guide on relationships. After all being Christians we have a great example of relationship… Jesus. We must practice wholesome communications now to eliminate complaining and nagging. We must be willing to put down our guard and ask for help. We can’t do it alone…so give it a try... START TALKING!

Hope this encourages someone. It took me some time to communicate with anyone. God has done a marvelous work with me and I am so grateful. There is greater in store and I am available to receive what God has in store for me and my marriage!